𝓔𝓬𝓬𝓵𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓪𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓼 4:12: “𝓣𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓰𝓱 𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝓫𝓮 𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓹𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓭, 𝓽𝔀𝓸 𝓬𝓪𝓷 𝓭𝓮𝓯𝓮𝓷𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓶𝓼𝓮𝓵𝓿𝓮𝓼. 𝓐 𝓬𝓸𝓻𝓭 𝓸𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓻𝓮𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓺𝓾𝓲𝓬𝓴𝓵𝔂 𝓫𝓻𝓸𝓴𝓮𝓷.”
Three years married. I know Josh and I still have a long way to go. But in the three years of being together, Josh and I have been through so much. We have celebrated several victories together, we cried in each others arms in our lowest points, we lost and gained so much.
Last Saturday, it was our first time to join a couples camp. Fusion, the young couples ministry of Citichurch, organized its first ever Fusion Camp. And I have to say, the camp was very insightful, practical, fun, fresh and most of all beautiful. We were blessed to have Pastor Peter and Christine Kairuz as our speakers for the 2-day camp. We learned so many things in the camp and here are some that really made an impact in our marriage.
1. “𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐆𝐨𝐝’𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮.” | 𝐏𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐊𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐳
This statement really spoke to me. The words “EXCLUSIVE” and “GIFT” made me realize how blessed I am to have been given a spouse. My husband is a precious gift hand made by God for me. And he is mine alone for my enjoyment and pleasure. Pause on that for a while and reflect on it. You will look at your spouse a different way. You will be able to love and appreciate your spouse even more.
2. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐳𝐲 𝐜𝐲𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭
1 𝓟𝓮𝓽𝓮𝓻 3:7: “𝓘𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝔀𝓪𝔂, 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓱𝓾𝓼𝓫𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓼 𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓱𝓸𝓷𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝔀𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓼. 𝓣𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝔀𝓲𝓯𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓾𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓪𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓵𝓲𝓿𝓮 𝓽𝓸𝓰𝓮𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻. 𝓢𝓱𝓮 𝓶𝓪𝔂 𝓫𝓮 𝔀𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓮𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓪𝓻𝓮, 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓼𝓱𝓮 𝓲𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓮𝓺𝓾𝓪𝓵 𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓷𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓷 𝓖𝓸𝓭’𝓼 𝓰𝓲𝓯𝓽 𝓸𝓯 𝓷𝓮𝔀 𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓮. 𝓣𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓽 𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓪𝓼 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓼𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓹𝓻𝓪𝔂𝓮𝓻𝓼 𝔀𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓫𝓮 𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓭.”
𝓔𝓹𝓱𝓮𝓼𝓲𝓪𝓷𝓼 5:25: “𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓱𝓾𝓼𝓫𝓪𝓷𝓭𝓼, 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷𝓼 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝔀𝓲𝓿𝓮𝓼, 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓪𝓼 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓱𝓾𝓻𝓬𝓱. 𝓗𝓮 𝓰𝓪𝓿𝓮 𝓾𝓹 𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓵𝓲𝓯𝓮 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓱𝓮𝓻.”
The number one need of men is to be respected, while women’s number one need is to be loved. When you show respect to your husband, your husband reciprocates it with love. When your husband makes you feel loved, it is easier for us to show respect. This sounds very simple but in reality, this is a big challenge to all married couples. It is a constant and conscious decision to show love and respect to your spouse.
3. “𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐬 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐲 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞. 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭.” | 𝐃𝐫. 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐒𝐚𝐥𝐚
We also learned some new ways in handling conflicts. What stuck in my head was the “Relationship vs Agenda” way of handling conflicts. You have to weigh properly which is more important to you everytime you have conflict with your spouse. In every conflict, there is always an agenda that caused the conflict. So the best way to handle it is to ask yourself this: “Which is more important? My relationship or my agenda?”. When you learn to set aside your agenda and focus on your spouse during a conflict, both of you wins. You save your relationship and you save your marriage.
My favorite take away from camp was when our speakers shared to us the seasons of marriage. I was crying the whole time, my heart was taking it all in, every word said was so true. Thus, my fourth learning is this:
4. “𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞. 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐞.” | 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐊𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐮𝐳
This made me cry so much. You know there are so many days wasted on fighting and picking on your spouse. When in fact, we should be loving on them everyday because the truth is this, Life is short.
There are 4 seasons of marriage:
• Newlywed (Spring) – This is the honeymoon stage.
• Married with children (Summer) – This is the stage where you realize your spouse has so many flaws and imperfections. This is the stage where time together is a challenge because of the kids.
• Married with teens and young adults (Autumn) – This is the stage where you have completely accepted and embraced your spouse’s imperfections. This is when you are focused more on finances and security for the future.
• Empty Nest (Winter) – This is the stage where your kids have their own families already and your are back to being just the two of you again. You have all the time in the world to be together but so little energy and abilities left. This is also the stage of widowhood. Life is short, one of you will have to leave this place first.
Josh and I are in the summer season. We have 1 year old twin girls and everyday is a challenge for us. Date nights need careful planning. And almost everyday, we choose to see beyond each others’ imperfections. This topic really helped us rediscover our love and promise to each other.
Fusion camp was a weekend to remember. A lot of marriages were strengthened, healed and restored. Looking forward to next year’s Fusion Camp already.
One last thing, marriage is one of the many things that the enemy is successful in destroying. I know so many people failing in marriages. The enemy does not want healthy marriages because healthy marriages can change a city, or even the world. That is why, Josh and I are very passionate when it comes to our marriage. Putting rail guards around our marriage by including Christ always in our relationship is the best thing we can do. This is why Fusion ministry exists. We help you put rail guards on your marriage and we help you have a purposeful marriage to glorify God.
And allow me to plug this: Fusion happens every 3rd Saturday of the month, 7PM at the Citichurch Center.
“You get what you fight for”, as what our ninong would always say. So, if you want a great marriage, you gotta fight for it.